How do deal with stress?
We are not the authors of what happens in the world, but our choice of response begins when we give meaning to what we observe. Because the meaning we give to the situations we choose will mainly determine our emotions.
Did you know that this is one of the most popular “psychological” queries that Poles type into Google? Interestingly, in the meaning of the phrase, there is no assumption that stress can be dealt with. In the juxtaposition of the phrases “how to cope with stress” versus “how to deal with stress” is much lower. If you came to this page looking for an answer to the above question, we promise you will find it as you read this article.
Stressful situations
The first thing we also disarm from the language side is the question:
- Are the situations stressing me, or am I stressing the situations I observe or participate in?
Understanding the direction from which this spectrum of emotions comes is the first and most important step on the way to answering “How to deal with stress?”. We are the authors and producers of all our emotions. We are not the authors of what happens in the world, but our choice of response begins when we give meaning to what we observe. Because the meaning we give to the situations we choose will mainly determine our emotions. Thus, a situation in which our boss raises his voice at us, depending on the meaning we give to it will evoke, completely different reactions, such as:
- He shouts, meaning he is angry with me. – A lot of “stress” appears.
- He probably cares about the results, if we do not achieve them, his head will fly first. – less stress.
- Well, yes I know it will shout, shout and talk in a while normally. – no stress.
- You can see that he cares. – no stress.
When working with our clients, we sometimes uncover deeper causes of, for example, a stress reaction to a scream, where the person who causes anxiety in the client is similar to someone from the past, usually from childhood, and then reaching only that meaning – given to the person, not the scream – resolves the situation in a lasting way by leveling the anxiety reaction.
Causes of stress, family problems?
In so-called “everyday life,” much can depend on the meaning we give to selected events. However, in the case of extreme situations, such as information about a pandemic or war, the stress reaction is not something to be dealt with, it is a natural response to a broader meaningful context, over which our influence is already much more limited. Nevertheless, in this case, too, with concrete assumptions about our skills, knowledge and competence, we can, after the first emotional reflex, move out of the state of stress and into the phase of action, in which we give new meanings to this situation. An example of this is the multitude of spontaneous volunteers (after Russia’s attack on Ukraine) who went straight from feeling into a phase of mobilization in the name of fulfilling the values most important to them. It is worth having for all life circumstances this saying that “It is not what happens to us, but what we do with it that matters.” And it is we who create, create and give that meaning.
Stress management techniques
Symptoms such as palpitations, accelerated breathing, headaches, abdominal pain, hair loss, stomach ulcers, cardiovascular disease may be among the many health effects that chronic stress brings.
This makes the question “how to deal with stress” all the more important? All the breathing exercises, exercise and physical exertion, meditation techniques (e.g.: Schultz autogenic training), breathing techniques you’ve probably already read about are often effective solutions, but they deal with the effect, not the cause.
What we are interested in is getting to the source of the stress, the thoughts that triggered the emotional reaction, and slowing down their process, in which we give meaning to so-called stressful situations. Meditation is aimed at the so-called quieting of thoughts, although in its various varieties one can also find solutions that suggest to move away from them and let them flow. In the NLP techniques on which we work with our clients, we go a step further. I.e., we don’t just watch the thoughts but also feel them. Hearing our inner language with which we give meaning to situations and rephrasing it/signifying it makes the resulting emotional reaction quiet itself as a result of this process.
In stress management techniques, we don’t work on the effect, but on the cause.
Long-term stress and type of stress
Chronic stress, chronic stress, or maybe good stress?
Stress has been called the disease of the 21st century, why? As you can read in most publications it is due to the pace of change that is taking place in the world, the so-called rush of life, or the amount of information we have to process. Such an explanation already, from its premise, takes away your agency and, in a way, removes responsibility for what happens to your emotions. Because it’s not me, it’s the environment in which I live that does me in. But if we want to be the authors of our lives then we have to take responsibility for the fact that we are the ones who choose to react to these environmental factors. If you are looking for a solution in this situation then you are already on the right track and it is worth congratulating yourself.
And so, if the state of stress, anxiety is prolonged despite your use of meditation techniques, breathing techniques or physical activity (an oxygenated body works better), it is worth exploring this additional solution that NLP proposes.
Reduce stress – what are the sources of stress in our daily lives?
Well, in other words, how to deal with stress? Recall a situation after which you recently felt, for example, short-term stress. Remembering the principle that you are the author of your thoughts – think about what you were saying to yourself at the time. What was your internal dialogue, close your eyes and hear the words/meaning that was given to that behavior, person, situation? Do you have it? Good. Write these words down and look at them as if your good friend were telling you about them. What would you advise him or her on how he or she can change them to serve him or her more? Write them down. Now think about the situation again, go into it with this new dialogue and see with your eyes how your emotional reaction changes as a result.
An example from family life, stress and parenting
Morning, you are in a hurry to get to work, your watch shows that if you don’t get out of the house in 5 minutes you will be stuck in a giant traffic jam and will once again be late for work, you already see in your mind your boss and hear his voice. Meanwhile, your child suddenly finds that those tights he chose are itchy and in a fit of exasperation throws himself on the floor dynamically undressing. Moments before you explode, these words appear in your head:
“Again, again, again, how I hate this. I’m late again, again because of you, you don’t understand anything. How I’m getting tired of all this. Fuck!” – here the stress about being late is followed momentarily by an outburst of anger.
What would happen if this process slowed down? And to answer this internal dialogue, ask questions:
“How can I get out of this situation as quickly as possible? What can I do now to help my child calm down? The little man is important to me, what does he need from me now?”
This may seem unnatural at first, but designed in advance for different situations and practiced regularly, it makes the parent more and more composed in his behavior, and difficult situations cease to be so. Because attention and energy are redirected to the solution in the case of such dialogue, and the emotional reaction is only the result of thoughts guided in the right direction, where the goal is to quickly master the situation. Such ways of dealing with stress, is one of the many good ways out that you can use in different circumstances to improve your health and bodily functions.
Overcoming stress? Mastering stress? Combating stress?
These popular phrases put our emotions in a curious position, in the position of an enemy or adversary with which we fight. Meanwhile, since it is our own product rejecting it and fighting against it is a fight against ourselves, against our own inner world. Heart disease resulting from stress, is not de facto due to stress itself but to our resistance to it and fighting against it, instead of reading the information it has to give us. And what is this information? It is the aforementioned internal dialogue you are operating with. Read, understood and “rewritten” so that it serves us to realize the values that are most important to us, it becomes an ally instead of an enemy. As a result, you get a different level of body response, reduced stressful situations, and your physical health and mental health improve.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
Are there negative emotions? Is stress a negative emotion?
A broader look at the issue of emotions
One of the most important roles that emotions play is communication.
Feelings such as fear, nervousness, anxiety, which can be interpreted as excessive stress communicate us with the outside world, with others, with ourselves. We often suppress emotions because we perceive them as “bad”, “negative”. Feelings, on the other hand, are like keyboard instruments – each feeling is a key, so it is impossible to eliminate any in order to play music.
Feelings, in addition to external communication, communicate us with our inner world. They can tell us a lot about our defense mechanisms. We just have to be willing to listen to them and understand what they have to tell us. However, we often act as we feel, e.g. I feel anger so I shout. And feelings don’t tell us what to do, but inform us about what is going on inside us.
Good stress?
Knowledge of emotions and feelings is growing, but we still divide them into “negative” and “positive.” Such a division is often associated with giving them a moral meaning. There are no “negative” or “positive” feelings, feelings have no moral value. Only actions undertaken under the influence of feelings have moral significance.
Sometimes we are limited and restrained by such feelings as feelings of inferiority, sadness, resentment, rejection, shame, guilt, etc. Because of this, people are unable to realize their potential (potential) because the feelings they experience prevent them from taking not only risks, but often any action. As slaves to their feelings, they are in a way paralyzed.
Some people are “slaves” to other people’s feelings. They feel happy or satisfied as long as, for example, their child or husband is happy.
What is a “positive attitude”?
The term “positive attitude” for someone who is currently experiencing high levels of stress, has a sense of danger is just one more pop-psychological platitudes that do not bring solutions either in personal or professional life. Meanwhile, in itself ro formulated is very correct from the point of view of neurolinguistics, now the question is how to do it? First of all, the effect in which we jump from a big hole to a high hill in nature does not occur, those who seek it, find it either in 24-hour stores or in the dark streets of metropolitan areas. We do not recommend such solutions. For things to get better, they must first be normal. Like any path, this one, too, is divided into stages, in which positive attitudes (and happiness hormones) are the result of long-term work with internal dialogue, beliefs, emotions and values.
Psychologist consultation, coaching or physical activity?
Sometimes we think we have a fabulous life. This may be evidenced by our professional successes, a beautiful home, romantic love. But behind the facade of professional successes, often hidden from those around us, our lives are a recurring torment. We are slaves to a powerful – how little known and understood – force – our own feelings. To the question, “What do you feel?”, you can talk about the bodily sensations experienced by yourself and not about the feeling that caused those sensations. Ask the question again, “What feelings are you experiencing.” There is a difference between sensations coming from individual parts of the body and the overall subjective sensation, at any given moment, which is a feeling. It’s very important to be able to see and recognize this difference.
Need help finding a solution for yourself? Call and talk to our expert: +48 726 100 980 or email anna.modrzewska@infinitypower.pl
See also the program of the NLP Practitioner Course, where you will learn, among other things, to work with your emotions, with your internal dialogue and beliefs gaining more peace and composure in life.
